FEELING HOPELESS? fIND ENCOURAGEMENT AS YOU HEAL FROM A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

REPLACE THE NEGATIVE INPUT OF YOUR ABUSER WITH POSITIVE MENTAL MESSAGES:

• Observe don't absorb.
• Be the subject of your own life, not the object of someone else's.
• Be true to yourself.
• It's not  your fault.
• Trust yourself.
• Trust your inner voice.
• With every decision you make, ask yourself one question: What is the best course of action for me to take at this time?
• Live one day at a time.
• Don't make any decision "make or break."
• Remind yourself to breathe.

SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES:

• Do not beg anyone to be in your life.
• Only invest in someone who invests in you.
• Do not give your power away to another person.
• Do not let anyone define you - especially someone who has a personality disorder.
• Do not give yourself to someone who does not reciprocate.
• Learn to take care of your "weak" self; don't give that job to anyone else.
• Do not waste your breath on people who can't "hear."
• You can't change anyone but yourself.
• Have a plan for what you will and will not tolerate.

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN CHEATED ON:

• No contact means less pain.
• Now is the time for crickets.
• Stay strong.
• Stay the course; stay the course; when you feel week look at the evidence and fuel the anger.
• Remind yourself that divorce because of infidelity is terribly painful; but it's also the birthing pains for a new beginning.
• The only antidote to "hope sickness" is self knowledge.
• Know what you will and will not tolerate.
• Know what your values are.
• Know where your boundaries are.
• Cheaters lie and they lie artfully.
• Step out of the cage and go find some real monkeys to bond with.
• To get unstuck, take a hard look at reality.
• Remember - infidelity is not your failure to own.
• Don't borrow shame.
• Stop talking about it. Only process your feelings with a couple of safe people.
• Let yourself grieve, but don't pitch a tent in the darkness. Look up at the stars and look forward.

HOW TO BE MENTALLY STRONG

• Keep your personal power.
• Allow yourself to fail.
• Take risks.
• Let go of your need to control others.
• Take your (fear, anxiety, depression, etc.) with you when facing a challenge.
• Take action.
• Be grateful for what you have and don't focus on what others have that you don't.
• Work hard.
• Persevere.
• Be prudent.
• Develop grit.
• Don't dwell on the past.
• Learn from your mistakes.
• Have a positive attitude.
• Be generous.
• Love others well.
• Have integrity.

BREAKING AN ADDICTION TO ANOTHER PERSON

• Treat an addiction to a person the same way you would treat an addiction to heroin.
• Go "no contact."
• Allow yourself to grieve.
• Identify your unmet needs.
• Identify the "hook" the other person had on you.
• Write a good bye letter to the person. If you aren't ready yet, when you are, write.
• Journal. Write your feelings down each day.
• Find support. Connect to healthy people.
• Find a mentor; someone who's been through this themselves, and have them provide advice and support as you journey through your recovery.
• Remind yourself that feelings are fleeting and "this, too, shall pass."

LETTING GO

• Don't beg anyone to stay.
• If someone doesn't want to be in your life, let them go.
• Walk away.
• Let yourself grieve, but don't compromise yourself for anyone.
• Remind yourself that you don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who is willing to leave you.