FEELING HOPELESS? fIND ENCOURAGEMENT AS YOU HEAL FROM A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

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REPLACE THE NEGATIVE INPUT OF YOUR ABUSER WITH POSITIVE MENTAL MESSAGES:

  • Observe don't absorb.
  • Be the subject of your own life, not the object of someone else's.
  • Be true to yourself.
  • It's not  your fault.
  • Trust yourself.
  • Trust your inner voice.
  • With every decision you make, ask yourself one question: What is the best course of action for me to take at this time?
  • Live one day at a time.
  • Don't make any decision "make or break."
  • Remind yourself to breathe.

SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES:

  • Do not beg anyone to be in your life.
  • Only invest in someone who invests in you.
  • Do not give your power away to another person.
  • Do not let anyone define you - especially someone who has a personality disorder.
  • Do not give yourself to someone who does not reciprocate.
  • Learn to take care of your "weak" self; don't give that job to anyone else.
  • Do not waste your breath on people who can't "hear."
  • You can't change anyone but yourself.
  • Have a plan for what you will and will not tolerate.

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN CHEATED ON:

  • No contact means less pain.
  • Now is the time for crickets.
  • Stay strong.
  • Stay the course; stay the course; when you feel week look at the evidence and fuel the anger.
  • Remind yourself that divorce because of infidelity is terribly painful; but it's also the birthing pains for a new beginning.
  • The only antidote to "hope sickness" is self knowledge.
  • Know what you will and will not tolerate.
  • Know what your values are.
  • Know where your boundaries are.
  • Cheaters lie and they lie artfully.
  • Step out of the cage and go find some real monkeys to bond with.
  • To get unstuck, take a hard look at reality.
  • Remember - infidelity is not your failure to own.
  • Don't borrow shame.
  • Stop talking about it. Only process your feelings with a couple of safe people.
  • Let yourself grieve, but don't pitch a tent in the darkness. Look up at the stars and look forward.

HOW TO BE MENTALLY STRONG

  • Keep your personal power.
  • Allow yourself to fail.
  • Take risks.
  • Let go of your need to control others.
  • Take your (fear, anxiety, depression, etc.) with you when facing a challenge.
  • Take action.
  • Be grateful for what you have and don't focus on what others have that you don't.
  • Work hard.
  • Persevere.
  • Be prudent.
  • Develop grit.
  • Don't dwell on the past.
  • Learn from your mistakes.
  • Have a positive attitude.
  • Be generous.
  • Love others well.
  • Have integrity.

BREAKING AN ADDICTION TO ANOTHER PERSON

  • Treat an addiction to a person the same way you would treat an addiction to heroin.
  • Go "no contact."
  • Allow yourself to grieve.
  • Identify your unmet needs.
  • Identify the "hook" the other person had on you.
  • Write a good bye letter to the person. If you aren't ready yet, when you are, write.
  • Journal. Write your feelings down each day.
  • Find support. Connect to healthy people.
  • Find a mentor; someone who's been through this themselves, and have them provide advice and support as you journey through your recovery.
  • Remind yourself that feelings are fleeting and "this, too, shall pass."

LETTING GO

  • Don't beg anyone to stay.
  • If someone doesn't want to be in your life, let them go.
  • Walk away.
  • Let yourself grieve, but don't compromise yourself for anyone.
  • Remind yourself that you don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who is willing to leave you.